utterly stoned

Watching Donnie Darko last night made me think a little about self-sacrifice. The only thing that I can come up with, simply, is that it's also about choice. You already know the outcome of your future, of your actions; so what do you do with the knowledge? I guess in some strange way, what Donnie was pretty admirable.

I used to think it was a dumb show, like hello? Man-sized rabbits for starters? Creepy looking one at that. Then it was just the whole B-grade feeling you get because it's a show that's not been glossed over by Hollywood special effects and rendering.

But that's the beauty of it all. That raw element that's so life-like, so relatable that it pulls you in. At the same time, you feel as if you're watching the show whilst being high on crack.

Still recovering from Saturday's utter embarassment. My back's not so wonky anymore. I had enough chocolate to keep me happy. I want moremoremore. Also, have realised that from this weekend onwards, I am packed. Don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing. The only time I'm going to be free during the weekends is right after I come back from Phuket.

I don't know what to blog about as of late. I've been thinking about how to budget though. If and when I get the fulltime job. I've been contemplating a lot of new purchases as well. Hohoho. And having enough sleep means you look better and not haggard and druggy-like. Did I mention my face got burnt? Yeah. Right upper part of my cheek. Blends well with blemishes. HAHA I'm so funny (in a lame way) that I could kill myself.

How do you explain when your mind and concentration is one blur mass after another. I haven't been able to pay full attention to a lot of things as of late. It's as if everything else around me is screaming for my attention. I'm watching people and it's as if they're liquid, their gestures and movements so deliberately slow. I think it's all just me. I could blame it on fatigue and exhaustion but I question myself, what is it exactly that I've done that's led me there?

The running? The travelling to so many different places because of work? The late-night hangouts? The bare hours of rest? If that's the case then I wouldn't be the only one suffering this. There'd be plenty others in the same predicament and yet, it just seems as if I'm caught in this alternate reality with no clue yet how to get home.

I feel like crawling back into my bed. Concussing for yet another day. I'm so tired and completely unmotivated to do work. But I have to. I lack inspiration. I think I need coffee. Good ol' Starbucks. Hmmm yes. I think I'm going to get me coffee.