the wallflower

NEVERWHERE - WALLFLOWER

Your celebrative story on deaf ears
This crowd they gather to watch you fall
With every step, darker and deeper, into madness
But don't worry I'm here to stay through it all

Of all the revelations in your backyard
This mind a strangled mess
And no one will help to soften the fall
For all the stories you've told
I'll still be here and stay through it all

Don't say you're sorry
No need to apologise
Just promise me you'll stay the same
Promise me, remain just who you are

And everyone sees past you
Tears, cries, lies and smile
I know its hard to run away from reality
Of life's crushing, burning infidelity

this is how we do it

1. Lunch, or rather coffee, with Imran. Despite the rain. That adorable dodohead doesn't do much at work. Still got time to watch Prisonbreak! Gasp!

2. Called Bimbo to harrass her. Yes, she has sex voice at work. We were attempting to talk dirty and failed. Too many people around. And I bet she was going to break into hysterical fits.

3. My boss was actually sick. Which explains his absence. Poor guy. Whole family kena also. Will send him get well soon email.

4. Magazine's been proofed. Everything. All that's left is for the colour proofs to come out for the designer and then we're good to go.

5. I'm going to be super busy in April. Nationals and other random sports plus school profiling for West Zone. I like. Only thing is that, I wish I had taken my license earlier then all the travelling wouldn't be so fucked up.

6. I think I'm caffeinated to the point of not being able to digest any of it anymore for it to be taken into effect. Which is a bad thing. Now I'll have to find another fix and that's just fucked up and sad.

7. I actually sound more coherent now as compared to long aggravatingly dispersed posts. See, no more vague nonsense. Time to be rational and straight. Erm. Straight. Wait, I'm still bi. Ok. I'm still not being coherently comprehensible.

8. Wah lau. Lucky I got back early. Now it's beginning to rain like pigs and swines. Which means, DAMN HEAVY! And I didn't bring my umbrella along somemore. Selamat.

9. And about the Bedok Sports Hall thing. Stupid. I need higher degree lenses already. It was FUCKING APRIL and NOT MARCH! Yes. Laugh at me all you want for my sheer utter stupidity. Wait, have I mentioned this before already? FUCKING STUPID CAN! I curse myself. But nevermind. I got to get off work early. :) Hence, all is well. Blessing in disguise. :D

10. Korg thinks I'm lesbian. I quote:

Korgmeister says:
I kinda figured since you'd been bi for a while you were just slowly drifting in that direction and finally decided you were fully gay.
Korgmeister says:
Probably a good idea, even if you were.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

11. Now I'm kinda hungry but I am going to REFRAIN from eating. Why not try lowering my BMI for the fun of it. 48kg sounds nice enough. Don't worry. I'm going to do it the healthy way. Small meals and LOADS of exercise. Running on the beach is number one now!

12. Have confirmed Neverwhere's song titles in this order:

(a) Room of Apathy
(b) We like to lepak at kopitiams (and eat mee rebus)
(c) 5 Seconds to Run After the Bus
(d) Empty Vessels Make the Most Noise
(e) Wallflower

:)

what a way to start the day

1. Late for work because I woke up late. Was actually contemplating not to go to work but ended up going anyway.

2. Boss called whilst on way to work. Nope, he ain't here yet. Must find out shit about waterpolo nonsense. Call people up. They're damn bloody inefficient. GRAR!

3. Cranky and cranky. I need to find a substitute to Redbull. Coffee is too expensive.

4. I am very much broke.

5. I need to get back to designing.

6. Blogging in bulleted lists actually focuses my train of thoughts.

7. Left my camera home. Therefore no camwhorish photos unless I go back home and take it and go out again which is actually, quite a bloody waste of time.

8. Is it just me or there's some kinda rivalry between HCI and SASS? Because they're against each other for each division. I am no paedophile.

9. I like older men who are mature, funny, smart and serious according to the mood and the circumstance. But please. Don't give me old men who're lame, immature, childish, stupid, loud and idiotic.

cold cash and even colder hearts

1. Damn you Ghost Hunt for being so addictive.

2. No games are being played. What for be all coy and coquettish? So yes. I think, being a man, occasionally helps.

3. There are a lot of things I don't understand, a bunch of questions that need to be answered. Maybe I'm imagining things. And maybe, I'm thinking, I should just take a break from a lot of things. Or maybe even, everything.

4. Well, we're definitely right back where we started.

complacent

I'm tempted to hit the beach this weekend. Tan, drink, smoke and be merry. With random cute boys with hot bods too. ;P Ok kidding bout the last part. But it's been awhile since I went to the beach and the press conference does not count. But the weather's been quite shitty as of late. Which sucks. I'm also quite poor now. Damn it. Two hours already at work and I'm sleepy. Need chocolate or Redbull or something. Will pop outside for a quick smoke later as well.

Gahhhh. Maybe I'm just getting a little bit complacent. Ok. Time to get to work.

Update
The wonders of the internet. Seriously. Open your eyes a little bigger and you realise you can find everything and not need to rely on your boss. WOOTS!

of randomness and everything else

Yay! I found my old specs. But I think either the specs is kinda scratched and hence pretty faulty or that I keep changing my parting so my right eye's been covered a lot; I can't seem to see pretty well with this pair. That kinda sucks. Have got clubbing photos from Marc! Woots! Should have brought mine and then... jeng jeng jeng, camwhore madness. And knowing me, you know I love taking pictures of myself. Found my camera in the backpack I left at work. This time, will start taking random shots again. One day I want to print out the nice ones and stick it all around my room.

After she gets married ah.

Anyway, Marc tagged me. I've done this before on ellejay. But since I am bored, have nothing better to do and I know there's no one else I know who knows of this blog and who will actually do this, erm yeah. So I'll just do it la. New random sixes.

"This is what you are supposed to do. Cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog."

ONE
I always seem to sit cross-legged on chairs everywhere I go. Nevermind stools. I also sit cross-legged. Like Ah Pek like that. Comfortable la. I sit like that at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, The Coffee Club, kopitiams. EVERYWHERE! And erm, sometimes I sit like that even when I wear dresses. So yes. Talk about being like a man yo.

TWO
I can crack my wrist. Is that weird enough? Sometimes my wrist hurts so bad and I don't know if it's because of the pressure thanks to Mister Carpal or just that I need to be more ergonomically positioned. So yeah. I can crack my wrist. And my thumb too. And I know I shouldn't be cracking my joints BUT I CAN'T HELP IT HELP!

THREE
I never use shortcuts when I'm talking to people online. I will spell you as you and not 'u'. The same goes for your instead of 'ure'. It's different when I sms. Coz I'm lazy to sms and I hate smsing sometimes because my phone can be really fucked up at times and yeah. Instead of getting the word I want, I get something else and then I waste money trying to explain what it was I was trying to say and you should get my point by now.

FOUR
I never check my phone when I'm at home. For what sia? I'd rather you find me online on MSN and I'll talk to you there. I hate replying messages when I'm at home as well. Not to mention phonecalls. No privacy la. So. When I'm at home and you message me, fat hope I'm actually going to reply you on time. Unless we're meeting up that night then that one different story la.

FIVE
I like chewing on straws.

SIX
I like checking out girls. No, I am not lesbian. I am highly bisexual though. I like girls who have nice tanned and toned legs and wear SHORT SKIRTS! Eh, I have relatively good taste in girls lor.

Now, 6 people to tag. Adik, Brother, Fir, Joanna. I don't know who else who uses blogger. And I can't be bothered to find more. HAHAHAHA! Coz the rest Marcus tagged already.


Also, THANK YOU FOR ACCOMPANYING ME! I LOVE YOU ALL MANY MANY! I'm sorry that I dragged you guys down and you still had to wait for shitlocks. Really sorry. :( Erm, milo peng for all? :D But I love you guys a LOT and thank you SO much. Really really. If you ever need someone to play random psycho bitch, I'm always here. :D
















Anyone wanna go clubbing the week after next?

secrets

Let me tell you a secret.

I want to return to my passion. To take photos. To tell stories through every frame. To speak to you through the faces of every subject and bring you their sad sordid tale. I want to go back to the past through the future and see the present as a distorted perception of reality.

Through dying breaths and wasted lifetimes.

fragments

We've known each other since we were 16. The screaming infidelities and teenage angst, bottled and packaged. We studied together, if you consider scribbles and pictures studying. We called each other late into the night when we were feeling as if shit fell on us by the truckload.

I ♥ you. And I thank god a lot for having met you. We could still get married. ;) HAHA!

Whilst I didn't rightly get to sort out my thoughts and emotions, I did get a break from the stress of life. A little tete-a-tete with my favourite girlfriend, snuggled up in the corner of Starbucks, drinking, smoking and talking from till the sun set and the streetlamps began to glimmer and glitter gold.

I watched the 300 trailers again and it struck even more questions in my head. I guess I really am far more dangerous than I thought. Far more cruel, snide, snarky and conniving. Dangerous in each and every sense of the word. Mask of innocence, mask of pretense and false sincerity. Last night a part of me was appalled by this and then today, I just couldn't care anymore.

It feels as if something inside truly died. Closed itself up, locked itself in. Barred and shut. I hold back a lot of things I want to say now. There just seems to be no point in saying anything at all. Sometimes your words get drowned, sometimes you find that no one is truly paying attention. When that moment happens, you just cease to exist in definite reality and meld into the background.

Maybe that's why its just so easy for me. To disappear. To vanish and fade. I do it so often, I do it so well.







Ahem. In other happier news. Time to write that article about table tennis. Mayhaps, there's more comfort in writing something other than your emotions. It seems easier to express the emotions of others in words rather than your own. Or perhaps, I just never had that much to begin with in the first place. Hmmm. And that stupid FLV player does NOT work for me. GRAR! I really need to watch 300 again.

sleep

The thoughts have begun to turn darker as of late.
Weary and bone-tired, falling asleep at the computer and not knowing why.
I still have so many questions for myself.
But I need to sleep.
I need this dead quiet sleep.

nothing in this world

I am so damn pumpkin. Why? Because I didn't know that ViVo was linked to HarbourFront. Mother and I walked and then suddenly the place seemed so familiar and I realised we were at HarbourFront. Pumpkin la. Anyway. New watch, new top and new shoes. Happiness? Incredibly.

Work. I love PageOne. I want design books. Hint hint. When I get my own room, I'm dedicating shelfspace to design books and ONLY design books. Looking at the pretty pictures and manipulations reminded me again why I loved design so much. The versatility and flexibility. Learning new ideas and experimenting with new concepts. Everything.

So now I have a rough idea. Now I've got that smidgen of an inspiration.

Now. Back to work. I can do it. By tomorrow. By hook or by crook. Hello Redbull, tonight, we make love.

dare you to move

I suppose 8 more spreads ain't that bad. ADVENTURE RACING DONE! Sheesha with the DYL-ers is, as always, blissfully hilarious. Homeboys were too exhausted for Fong Seng and so I headed home to finish up some work. Porn before I sleep. Course you know I kid.

I need to learn how to sew. All that talent and imagination. Wasted. Truly. Deadline has been pushed to Monday. Pressure? Yes. My handwriting's a scrawl. Nonetheless, it is mine and mine alone.

None of this makes sense because I'm quite exhausted. Yet another day tomorrow. Oh yes! Shopping with mum. :D I loike.