unpleasant

I get extremely cranky and irascible when I'm doing work. So I apologise if I snap at you or reply in a manner that's really cold and not the least bit forthcoming. Just that I don't have that much patience to entertain people. You have InDesign to thank for my nastiness.

of politics

Funny how people even argue about the release and the making of a movie, perpetually drawing parallels to politics. It amazes me sometimes, really. Are they so free with their time that instead of making their country a better place for their people, they niggle and condemn things that stand no reason at all to mock or satirise their country's history?

Or maybe I'm just impartial and stoic.
Hmm. I think that.






I don't mind chatting. I don't mind talking. But when I'm the mood, I just cannot tolerate sheer utter stupidity. Stimulate me intellectually. I have had enough idiocy from the past 14 months.

i remember everything that you're playing

Wah lau, when I woke up today, I thought I was super super late for work. My mom came into my room and asked me, "Girl, what time are you going to work?". Literally sat up straight in bed, looked at the clock and was about to dash out when I remembered. Eh, today's Saturday.

So back to bed I went and woke up like three hours later with my back and knees aching thanks to the heavy workout of last night/morning. In any case, what faces me right now is 20pages worth of magazine layouts to be done and completed by tomorrow.

I wonder really, with all the things I do everyday, for every week, is there truly time for anything else? Of course, then you factor in that you should be able to make time for something. It just depends on whether you want to or not. The we could argue again, but what if you really don't have time?

Hmm.





Family. Work. Band. Friends. Dyl. Hmm indeed.

What I have to add on:
1. Getting my license.
2. Getting the company up and running (this will take time, but I've the patience).

deejay rock your body

Just got back from clubbing. Marc's friends are cool AND funny! Also, I got high really fast downing the Graveyard. And Tequila. And some of Pong's (yes I saw Pong like OMGZ!) Vodka Lime and Long Island Tea and god knows what else. Then I had Rum and Coke and yes. Basically I was high the whole night. Still very sober but damn if the alcohol didn't give me the energy to dance.

All night long. Non-stop. Like energizer bunny like that. Siao right? I know I know. No cute boys. There were some cute girls. Marc's friends (who were girls) kissed me on the cheek. HAHA! Just because I said I was looking for hot girls. But they're very nice and very sweet+pretty too. More clubbing in future and Phuture!

Damn if I ain't hungry. Thank god for the thousands (or not) of instant bowl noodles. Yes, KOKA still sucks but Myojo rocks and I'm not making sense because I'm hungry and still feeling the leftover effects of the alcohol (even after taking a short nap) and am very much stoned.

Cafe Del Mar anyone? I so need a car. But then if I'm drinking, jia lat. Cannot. Ok. Shall shower, ice-cold and then sleep.




Thanks for the night Marc. And yes, I had a fucking good time. ;)

dotdotdotdotdotdotdot

I suppose, that 23 pages is a lot.
It doesn't end there either.
You have to embed the little kukujiaos.

Why does it always have to rain?
Damn sian.
Been staring at it since I got into work.
The irony of 4:44pm. Die die die.

I need a cigarette break and some food.
But thanks to the rain, don't think it's gonna happen.








FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

breathe deeply, darker, stronger

One last stick.
My saviour.
By the window, as always.
Much thoughts but my mind seems strangely blank.
Thoughts.
Thinking.
Everything else.
Makes you wonder, how did it get to this.
Sia in the background, words echoing.
Her voice, a lullaby.
Maybe even.
Warm me up and breathe me.
This is when the darkness falls,
where all else is silent,
no soul awake.














Plant your kiss upon my shoulder.
Lull me to sleep in your embrace.
The slow rise and fall of your breathing.
To keep me company, safe through dreamland.
That I should be kept safe, protected.

Who am I kidding?

ella fitzgerald

So looking at my otherwise bleeding toe reminds me of flipflops that cause blisters at that little spot between the big toe and the longest toe on my foot. Which hurts, like a bitch and makes me want to stab my foot with a pitchfork just to see if the pain could get any worse. But that isn't going to happen and the idea of being random and subjective all at the same time kinda makes me go o_O.

I'm craving for prata. Egg mayonaise and the works. But there's no Syafiqa and there's no random late night company to aid me on my quest to satiate my belly. If I really wanted to, it'll be a 30minute walk to Fong Seng where there'll be no company and I'll be surrounded by people who probably think I'm insane. To walk all the way at least. Well I'm sorry, I haven't gotten my license yet and my brother still dominates the Honda.

I'll have to stop fantasising about driving.






I want to chill at Cafe Del Mar. Yes I've been rambling non-stop about it. I need my tan back. Looking pasty, pale and terribly yellow does not make me feel all too healthy.

Like a glass wall you said. Maybe we should try starting over. That is, if you'd like. And only then.

he's bringing sexyback

The second toe from my left, on the left foot, is bleeding. The price of vanity indeed. It does not help to listen to clubbing music just hours away from tomorrow. Oh the urge. Driving me nuts.

I've a lot to accomplish by tonight really. If I can finish the Masters, then I can do the coaching and extreme sports. Then tomorrow, all that's left is the extra bits and pieces and my colleague can try and piece the rest. So far, Egan says that it's looking decent. :)

Tomorrow shall be casual Friday. I'm actually attempting androgyny, because the ViVoCity trip made me realise how fun it is to obscenely ogle at girls and make them uncomfortable. Ok. I lied. I didn't do that. But I want to see how far and how well I can pull it off. Blame it on The L Word for making me want to be so sexually undefined.

Justin Timberlake, I really do ♥ you. Why must you be so hot and create music that makes me want to wind and grind around a pole? I'm rambling nonsense. It's the combination of caffeine, cigarettes and the final vestiges of RedBull that's ebbing from my system. I still have one can left in the office and the bowl of instant noodles under my desk.

Contemplating an uber sporty look. Since I'm not meeting the mates tomorrow, don't rightly know what I might be doing (oh wait, forgot that I'm going out at night). Books! Yes, I've yet to head back to the secondhand bookstore and get my latest read. I need a watch and accessories. You know, I don't know how to accessorise. That's why they say that I always look so plain. BUT I'M ALWAYS IN A RUSH! Actually, no. I just take my own sweet time getting my hair dry. Erm yes. Random bimbo moment.

HAHA!

Last night I caught So You Think You Can Dance and they danced to Mister Timberlake's SexyBack and it just made me feel like dancing. Again. I want to learn hiphop and salsa. The latter's pretty sexy and I hear, it's a damn good workout. Rui says there's a place that packages 8 lessons for 100bucks.

Sweet.

I want the Rowenta hairdryer. I want a lot of things but first and foremost, to clear off the bills and transportation and food and cigarettes and everything else. Will set aside 50 come the next paycheck because paying adult fare is just ridiculous. Sigh. Ok. Shall stop rambling because I don't have anything remotely intellectual to talk about and this might turn into random fashionblog for reasons so obvious even the blind get hit by it.















Lame.
Shower.
CIAO!

goodbye beautiful day

Turnover rates. Like retrenchment and companies. The difference between wanting and needing. The difference between official and unofficial. The difference between me and me. When vague becomes the only source, the only modes of explanation. When oblique obscurity becomes the only means with which you can explain yourself thoroughly. But even so, if it's vague, how much thorough can it even be to begin with?

Find me at a time where I have found myself.
Find me at a moment where I'd have settled - everything.
Find me where you know I'll be.
Find me.




Cue the moment when you look into the mirror and hate yourself. Ice queen. Cold, aloof, detached indeed.

hanging out with mee rebus and friends

Let this be known. I make exceptions only for some people. If you don't fall into that category, then too bad. I'm not going to compromise who I am just because I might hurt your feelings. Don't like then don't like. You're old enough to realise that. Also, playing mindgames is really dumb. I would have fallen before but seriously, you forgot how capable I am of doing the same thing with people I detest and/or enjoy playing with.

:)

People don't see it. I don't seem it. But I see a lot more and know a lot more than I let on. I just choose to act blur and play the bimbo. People like comedians, people like blank-between-the-ears kinda people. Well, sometimes they do ah. Not all the time. Of course, just have to remember that I'm not like that on a regular basis.

It makes life far more interesting. And really, you're lucky I didn't take the bait and then pick on your character flaws. Cause that was just dumb la. Really. *shakes head* And you want to say you're mature.





Then again, blogging about it reflects on me too doesn't it? Heck la!

I'm actually quite hungry but I'll screw food to sleep. And yes, I can comatose in a snap. Because when I'm tired, fuck thinking excessively, there are other shit to be more worried about than this.





Lovelove to the homeboys, the band, the special people, the precious and family. I'm out!



Also note how the tag is sheer utter stupidity. Damn, I crack myself up knowing how utterly cheesy, lame and idiotic I get at times. :D

i'm only human

This is what I do when I don't go to work. I turn lesbian and take semi sapphic pictures with the precious.

Jam today was ok. Locked down the vocal melody and lyrics for three out of four songs. There's still something wrong with Room of Apathy. Why can't I just get it right? Also, I need to stop being so hyper because my stamina is seriously on the low. It's all the cigarettes. Must stop smoking. Or cut down.

Yes, cutting down seems like a good idea.

Once again, my air-conditioning unit is leaking. Pots and pans to te rescue. That and taped plastic bags to ensure that nothing else gets drenched. Damn sian la. Everytime kena like this. How to live in peace? And I'm very dependent on the aircon only when I'm home. Because I CAN'T OPEN MY WINDOW LEST THE DAMNED ROACHES GET IN!

Sucks to live on the first floor.

So yes. Better sleep early so that I can wake up early and head to work early and be a good girl. But first, the customary shower.








I need to do something about my hair. It's beginning to bother me.

this is about me me me

Just today I met an ex-colleague from the store I wasted a small portion of my life in. Well, maybe not wasted. I did enjoy my time there. It was just that it was tiring and tedious to be awake at the crack of down and work shifts that could kill a person and rob them of their sanity.

So much drama. So much politics. And I think, he's a little innocent and naive and too nice in general.

I took leave, urgent one, for reasons of my own. I needed a little time to breathe, to be away from things. The barrista is pretty cute where I am, helping me save a seat when I went out to smoke and even leaving a little note Stay Healthy, Stop Smoking. Adorable.

Am waiting for a call from the school-that-does-nothing-but-leeches-money-off-you with regards to my cert. They better have it and I better get it. Else, 24grand gone to waste. But the memories were worth it weren't they? I keep thinking again how foolish it was, to give up friendship and put someone else on top. There's a saying in malay and it goes bagaikan kacang lupakan kulit. It was just dumb of me to let them go so easily when they've been there for me through my best and worst and helped me when I was too weak and broken to stand.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT STARVE MYSELF. I only forget to eat or lose the appetite and then yeah. So I do not starve myself and I am a happy and healthy 50kg girl. So there.

Now because I am very much distracted, I shall log into my work email, send a screencap of my work to the boss and maybe the short bites with the shooter and I'm done.

late, jam and erm what?

Mental note to self. Get everyone's schedule after jam and then call Fourtones the day after to book a room. WMU is nice but we need to be able to hear ourselves clearer. And yes. I am very much, late, for work.

Whoopdedoo.

this time its for real

You see right through me.













I spent a long while just trying to figure out what to say.
How to say it.
There's a lot of randomness going on in my head.
But sanity creeps in and grabs me quick by the ankles.
And I'm back at the table, staring at InDesign.
But I'm actually home.

Thursday with Jo.
Tuesday with the band.
Friday with the UniMates.
Wednesday is a toss up.

If I could be explicit, in any way imaginable, and say whatever the hell I want without repercussions.

































I think the Orcs are coming.
Gotcha there now didn't I?

Expect more vague entries.
Because I'm cryptic that way.
Don't like?
Don't read la!

flavour of the week

Kinda blasphemous. I forgot to talk about Nick Dougherty. Crowd favourite, my favourites. I'm only a girl. Done with the article though and still struggling with the design for the mag. I feel like banging my head against the wall. Jo, I'm free on Thurs because the job fell through. I get a free drink tho! There goes 50muchneededbucks. Didn't bother eating because I just didn't have the mood. The emoness of all the homies are rubbing off me. Yes Chris, lovelove.

I'm going to pack up and go. Boss drove in from Penang and has been working since. From home that is.

I know what it's like to fade away into tbe background and be forgotten. So well. So clear. I'm used to the idea of always having been replaced. You don't know how well and how often you do that to me. No idea at all.

need coffee desperately

I've been staring at this the whole day. Hence, being incomprehensible and utterly random. Two Redbulls gone, the rest of my colleagues at lunch and wondering if I should drop by StarBucks and buy coffee. I think shorter (and very vague) entries > long convoluted ones. Also, picture posts are far more fun than senseless drivel.

Don't forget to say hello to my noticeboard/storyboard.

Gonna pop-out for a smoke break. I think I need coffee. Too much Redbull = bad. Immensely so.

truth

From now on, I am going to stay in the office during lunch and eat instant noodles. Because I bought so many already and there's hot water in the pantry.

Something you said. That the way I see things will change.

I'm sitting here and trying to remember. Then I realised, for what fuck. Anyway. I have to say something that's just occurred to me. I'm not looking to be in a relationship. I like the company of people, the company of others. Because people fade, blend into the background when they're in relationships and no fuckin way in hell am I going to go back there. I value my pride and my independence too much to end up back there.

Just because I am your friend now, it doesn't mean I want to talk about what happened in the past. It ain't bitterness or regret or anything of the sort. Simply because, why the hell would you want to dissect something that's over and done with?















I could tell you the truth now if you wanted. I got bored and tired of your programme.

durable weekend

Finished my book. Really twisted shit at the end.

And yeah, I woke up at 4pm. I slept at around 3 last night and I skipped netball. Heading out soon. Mom wants to walk around HarbourFront (I secretly think she actually wants to shop in ViVo) under the pretext of spending time. I got the lashing about how I'm not always at home and I treat it like a hotel. Give me like 5 years before I find a job that settles me down and proper ok?

Lemme enjoy.

I am very tempted to stay home and vegetate. Mmmm. Fishball soup.

finding a way back to sanity

I'm sorry but I simply simply had to blog. Even despite the pain coalescing to the point right between my eyebrows and the throbbing agony that's pounding in my head. Sorry. Gonna shower but first, let me tell you what an incredible time I had today.

Met up with my soon-to-be business partner who picked me up from home and of which I was an hour late because I woke up only when he called me. Well done. So we discussed the viability that was M******* and realised that it's pretty much a no show. At least not for now. But that doesn't matter because I'm willing to wait. Willing to save and gather up funds and resources and go out in a big BANG!

Shit I'm so drowsy and tired that I'm going to give the netball tournament a miss tomorrow. Cannot take it ah. Now my eye is beginning to twitch. Oh yes and Super Illegals's acoustic was nice. Sorry that I didn't have anything remotely green to wear. I <3 my heels. Yummmm.

And Rui and I got lost trying to get to Arts House. We kept missing the CTE and making huge rounds. But nonetheless it was hilarious even as I was partially stoning because I was just so tired. Also, Cafe Cartel's chicken lasagne sucks ass. Never. Ever. Eat. It. Or perhaps it was just my bad luck.

I just got back from the meeting. I know what I have to do and I have to go and make out my plan. I've mentioned so many times how packed I am. I think I must have been crazy to even contemplate to want to go clubbing tonight/today. Siao ah. Thought I could tahan but... nah.

Ok. Shower. Sleep. Tomorrow. Suffer. Or something. There's the gig at MDIS. Wah lau. I still need to get my degree cert can? Basket. Ohh. Rui said I could rent out the room in his house since his parents are out of the country due to work. His pad is fucking awesome la. I damn jealous. Too bad it's just too damn far from work.