behind the scenes

This morning, as much as I was cheated out of a dollar for my cabfare, it was interesting to see the way family attempt to stay together and be in contact. The taxi driver and his whole family play Maple Story. Yes, that stupid hack-slash repetitive nonsense that I was hooked once and then got frustrated and gave up on it completely. Everyone plays. His wife, two daughters, brother-in-law and hell, even his dad (which would make it the kid's grandpa) plays it.

Interesting.

I never really sat down to take note of what my editor meant when he talked about steep learning curve. I thought that hey, I suppose learning how to write appropriately for a publication was steep enough. But it entails more than just that. Yes, some of my dahling friends who believe that I am being exploited since I earn monkey's pay for the amount of work that I do. But I guess people forget that the term 'internship' means to learn as well.

So what have I exactly learnt? Apart from angling the way I write to fit in not just the facts but the emotional element (well, I try. I ain't perfect but I'm gonna get there soon), I've been doing a hecklot of research on other stuff as well. Google is seriously your best friend. Got to know all these really cool athletes and from time to time, we get freebies too. Also, the media pass allows you power and the freedom to roam wherever you feel you should. I'm preparing this board in my room with a montage of all the media passes I've gotten during this period as an intern. It helps, to look young and blur sometimes, because then people take pity on you. Hur.

Guess my brain's decided to take a break after all the chaos of the past few weeks. We're gonna be focussing a lot on triathletes and running/swimming/biking come next issue. So loads of interviews (hopefully) and research. I ♥ you Google. You are my best friend. Although you can be a bitch at times but still, you're my best friend.

I will resist banking in my cheque till next week. Must survive! And learn how to budget and manage.

The photographer who came in on Thursday dropped by and what he said about the mechanics of shooting sport or taking photos in general reminded me why I bought my Canon in the first place. "Young photographers are only content to be spectators. They only document. They don't engage the subject." He spoke of how he studied the players from China, got to know them as individuals - their characters and personalities all from behind the lens.

I had this thing going on in my head. That the worth and capability of a photographer was measured by the equipment they had. So i slunk away from most shootouts because I was still stuck with a kitlens and built-in flash. I made excuses and eventually my Canon got a little dusty. It still is, waiting for me to get back on my feet and shoot again.

It's the thing that makes me feel alive. Just peering through the lens and waiting for the action. Finding that slice of colour despite the monotony of the world around. Of being able to grasp the concept of life through images. It's not a lot, many people tout it, but it makes me feel as if finally there's something that keeps me sane. That makes this life worth living.

I am not a professional photographer. I doubt I will ever be. All those dreams of being a travel photojournalist and working for the National Geographic is only a dream, wishful thinking. But I am a photographer. I am one who composes the shot in her head before hitting the trigger. One who climbs down into drains to get up-close and personal.

Or rather, I was.

This weekend, I promise I'll bring my Canon out. To take shots of bands. To have the colours and lights swerve and play. Why not? Seriously.

Why not?