i wish i could say the same

I am beginning to entertain the idea of questions. Of asking questions and making each of life's little turns and twists into a question. Maybe that'll help me get over the skittishness of talking to people and doing my work.

I suppose the ideal in anyone and everyone's life is to be able to be in the profession that you're passionate in. Be it art or finance or education. But so few people are given the opportunity to do so, to be able to pursue their passion and love in life. Just watching the girls playing volleyball made me wonder. I see the expressions and reactions on their faces. When they lose a match, they don't crumble and cry and throw tantrums or anything. Well of course they're professionals but they're almost completely different people on and off the court. With the exception of the Cubans because they kinda scare me and freak me out.

But everyone else, the Norwegians and Swedes and Australians and Brazilians (I'm not too sure about the Chinese because there's that whole language barrier thing which I've yet to figure out how to crack) and the Philippines (oh gawd they were so damn pretty and so damn nice too!) and everyone else. They're like one hugeass happy family. For some it's truly a profession, it's their bread and butter and they spend their whole lives perfecting their skills and honing it to a T. You watch them on the courts and as much as they curse and swear when they miss an opportunity or when the ball hits the net and lands back in their court or when they thought they scored a point but didn't, at the end of the game they shake hands, quench their thirsts and laugh and smile.

Why couldn't that be the same for us here? Why are we just so damn competitive, why do we crave to be better than the other person to always be one step ahead? Is it because of some Asian trait that's ingrained in each and everyone of us?

I want to be able to experience something like what these girls, these ladies do. To be damn good at my job, to have so much love and passion for it and to just have fun even as I'm doing it. To take the mistakes and learn from them and just cut everything off once the whistle's been blown and the ref signals to shake hands.

Why volleyball? What is it about the sport? Why do you look so happy playing it? How are you able to go back to normal after each game, whether you win or lose? What does it take to be a beach volleyball player? How does it feel to represent your country, to be their ambassador in a field that's unorthodox?

Hmm. I'm super frickin tired. Power nap time.